Archive for May, 2008

MSNBC: Just Filling the Niche, So Relax

Today I was reading this WP article about MSNBC’s left-leaning slant and found myself wondering why dudes were fussing.

MSNBC has exactly two prominent liberal commentators, Keith Olbermann and Chris Matthews. We can pare that down to one because Matthews is usually unwatchable and isn’t really that liberal anyway. (He did vote for Bush in 2000.) So you have a network’s reputation being made off of one smart-assed commentator–full disclosure, I do like Olbermann most of the time–who makes most of his publicity off of YouTube replays. Nor do I see how David Gregory, Tim Russert and Andrea Mitchell count as partisan in any way when compared with the likes of Brit Hume and Shephard Smith.

But, let’s assume MSNBC is slanting to the left. McCain and Clinton spokespeople have to rail against any loud voice that ostensibly opposes them, but I wish those kind of complaints–and the ones against Fox News–were recognized more often for what they are: empty gestures ignoring the underlying reality that these networks exist because there’s a market for the slant they’re selling. Protest the viewing public that keeps your favorite target network going, and then you’re on the right track.

The media is a special business because of the effect it has on society, but it is still a business where resources flow to any open opportunity. In NBC / GE’s case, that was for a mildly liberal network that’s happy to scrap with conservative rivals. There’s thus little point in being mad at them for slanting. I think it’s digusting and hilarious that KFC has found a market for the Famous Bowl, but getting mad at KFC for following the dollars is the wrong way to go. They aren’t a 1950s cigarette company keeping a lid on the fact that fatty food is bad for you–we as a nation are clearly aware of it, but plenty of us still clamor for gravy with cheese.

TV is no different. It’s a market, and getting your news from TV is a bad decision in the first place. (Nearly every time “the media” catches flak for being too dumb, it’s really the televised media, but that’s for another post.) So get pissed all you want at MSNBC, McCain and Clinton staffers, but it’s not going to stop the gravy-and-cheese train.

Pens Back in Business

The crowd enthusiasm coming through tonight was amazing. I wanted to jump through my TV screen and beat up an octopus.

Settled (Mostly) in Chicago

We’re up in the new place after our three-leg, two-vehicle, 921-mile journey out to Illinois. Things are mostly unpacked, but more than anything I’m glad the moving part is over.

I managed just fine with the U-Haul truck. The testosterone highlight of the trip for me was when one of the movers asked me, “Who backed that [truck] in? You? Nice job,” when looking at the narrow alley behind our building. (That was without any guidance, thank you. I am pure steel.) About an hour later another of the tenants had to move her car out of the garage, requiring me to move the truck. I drove it down an alley nearby, thinking I could just drive straight through, but instead spent ten minutes turning the thing Austin-Powers style around a corner before I got out. Thus ended my truck-driving high.

While I now feel good about my own Teamster skills, I don’t get how U-Haul can rent bigger trucks than that one to the general public. A 26-foot moving van? A dude was driving one this weekend through Lakeview–he took a corner too widely, almost hit a bus, then had to back up in the middle of a six-way intersection. I thought cool over-one’s-head-on-the-road stuff like that is only supposed to happen in Third-World countries and New York City’s Chinatown-bus system.

Overall it was an unusually smooth move. The only things that broke were a cat-food container that fell out while I was unloading some extra boxes and a one-inch refrigerator magnet. I’m a little freaked out by how little went wrong. Apparently my payback has been the two games in Detroit. The less said about those, the better.

So Long, D.C.

What I’ll Miss Least: The transient nature of the city–at least the whitey part of the city. (NW, plus Capitol Hill SE and NE where we live.) I can’t shake the feeling that most people are here just to soon go somewhere else, and thus it’s harder to feel settled here than it has been in other mobile, creative neighborhoods of cities where I’ve lived. With NYC abuzz 24-7, settled was a relative term, but at least it makes everyone feel like one of the bees in the hive.

First runner up: The summer heat and humidity. Like swimming without a pool!

Also placed: Our old-ass apartment with its lack of air circulation and power outlets; confusing and poorly labeled road system; not enough going-out neighborhoods and the tiny size of the ones that exist; Metro delays, large areas of the city unserved by Metro trains and the lack of conductors who don’t pronounce “Judiciary Square” as “Ju-dish-u-ary”.

What I’ll Miss Most: Being in the political heart of the U.S. and everything that comes with it. In no other town in the U.S. can you to walk up to a random person in a bar and find out they work as a State Department liaison to Pakistan, or as an assistant for Ted Kennedy, or as a journalist working on an in-depth book about the failure of the Bush presidency. (And there’s never a shortage of the latter.) With the government comes the media swarm in which I work and the lobbyists, consultants and hangers-on that are part of how the country runs. Most people would probably find this group to be disgusting, and it often is. But if you want to be a part of the national conversation at the top level, this is where to bring the microphone.

First runner up: The great places to do some roadwork. My default running spot was the National Mall and surrounding area, and that was just as cool as it sounds.

Also placed: The cherry milkshake from Ben’s Chili Bowl; hot female Hill staffers walking around my hood; Eastern Market; the beautiful neighborhoods west of Rock Creek Park; the fact that while it was still old-ass (see above), you could walk out the door of our building and see the Capitol dome and the Supreme Court; being only four hours from Pittsburgh; the fish-taco combo at California Tortilla; cherry blossoms and the other spring blooms; free museums.

Wish us luck on the move tomorrow; nothing cheers the soul quite like loading, driving 900 miles and unloading a UHaul 17-foot truck full of all your earthly goods.

Chicago buds, see you soon.

On The Way …

… in spectacular fashion.

Gay Marriage and the 2008 Campaign

I didn’t think this one would be back again as a campaign issue, but it seems that it will be.

There are a few differences this time around. First, if campaigning were a video game, the G.O.P. already used the one-time, battleground-state-gay-marriage-ballot supermove to defeat the 2004 Democrats, leaving them without the ability to use it again. You can’t write the same amendment to a state constitution twice, so that’s out of the question in important electoral states like Ohio, Michigan, Wisconsin, Missouri and Kentucky It thus can’t be used to quite the same right-wing-voter motivation effect.

Second, Barack Obama doesn’t even support gay marriage. I had no idea that this was the case until I read it tonight. Liberal groups are apparently so excited that a liberal has a decent shot at the presidency that they have swept this normally liberal-upsetting factoid under the rug. (How mature of my fellow bleeding hearts to accept political nuance for a change.) Though Obama has an otherwise pro-gay-rights voting record, he is on the record against gay marriage. So it’s not really something that can be used against him the same way it could against John Kerry, who was more vague on everything.

I do, however, say that even as people continue to buy the Muslim rumor even after weeks of high-decibel tongue-clucking over Obama’s Christian pastor, so figuring out which smears will stick isn’t much of a logical pursuit.

Third, McCain is the candidate who is potentially the most impacted by this. Does McCain come out strongly against the California court in a bid for more religious-conservative support? Or does he stick to his relatively libertarian past talk on gay issues, in which he said he didn’t support a federal amendment banning gay marriage? (That’s libertarian by moralistic-Republican standards; he still opposes gay marriage on moral grounds and supports “don’t ask, don’t tell”.) I don’t think he’ll do anything beyond reiterating the “Marriage is between a man and a woman” boilerplate b.s.

Meanwhile, Godwin’s law has already come into play in this campaign—by the President himself!—and we’re still five months out from the election. While Bush technically compared Obama to Neville Chamberlain, I’m going to say that it still counts because Nazis were explicitly mentioned.

“The Happening”: Eh.

For some reason tonight, I ended up reading the entire leaked screenplay to The Happening, the new summer release from Hollywood’s greatest plot-twist-gimmick guy, M. Night Shyamalan. (And starring former 1835 Hinman resident Zooey Deschanel!)

My verdict: it seems worth skipping. There isn’t really any big plot twist, because the nature of the beast becomes evident pretty early on. Maybe it would be cooler if it’s shot well, but that’s a stretch. Once the bad guy is revealed, the screenplay is little more than horror-movie imagery and a pretty ridiculous resolution.

So take it from your blogging friend who’s prejudging the entire film based on an unverifiable script: it’s probably not a great movie.

(And as an intellectual-property business guy, I recognize that I’m undermining my own business model by reading a leaked script. But is it really so different than a critic’s sneak preview? Rationalizations are great fun.)

3-0!

One more and it’s on to Detroit. (Sorry, Kuper, but things just aren’t looking good for your boys.)

What About Burma?

With the immense humanitarian disaster occurring in Burma / Myanmar right now, there’s been a great deal of frustrated commentary from people appalled by the situation and desperate to come up with feasible ways to help. Watching the Burmese junta keep ample international stocks of food from its own people only to incompetently protect itself is sickening, and with the government’s past history from last September’s protests and the disregarding of the 1990 election, an honest person naturally wonders what can be done to overcome such a horrific government.

The all-important concept in such a situation is the idea of Responsibility to Protect, first proposed by the Canadian government. This doctrine states that national sovereignty takes a backseat when a government is committing massive abuse of its population, and that foreign governments have the right to intervene on behalf of that nation’s people’s well-being. Following the letter of this theory, other governments could ignore borders and sovereignty when the population is under grave threat and the subject nation’s government refuses to help or actively contributes to the problem.

Despite the poisoning association of this concept with the Iraq war — one where idealism trumped realistic potential — Responsibility to Protect does not have to mean the complete military overthrow of a government. While in a utopian martial world we could go real-life Rambo IV, the idea is both out of the question for the overstretched U.S. military and frought with internal problems similar to Iraq. (Even though Aung San Suu Kyi represents an established, popular democratic leader to take charge of a new government, the inevitable guerrilla war against the junta dead-enders — the bad guys like them are familiar with the only way to fight more powerful armies — and the management of pre-existing ethnic conflicts within Burma make for a potentially ugly situation for any foreign power.)

That said, to me it seems that the only workable option involves a series of military and humanitarian steps around air delivery of supplies:

1. The UN Security Council or another large, international group — a reunion of SEATO? — should publicly declare its intention to enter Burmese airspace to deliver aid to the Burmese people, even over the objections of the Burmese government. This isn’t something that could possibly be done unilaterally; it needs to come from many governments. It’s a lot easier to demonize one or two countries than 20.
2. The member states should announce all-out flyovers and supply drops to the region. Fighter or gunship escorts would be a must, because even though the intentions would be publicly announced as peaceful, it would be ridiculous to rely on a hostile government’s goodwill.
3. Air deliveries avoid the pratfalls of a ground occupation, but still provide a sizable lifeline of aid. Militarily, the Burmese army and air force could do very little against a multinational air force — their only hope would be a guerrilla ground campaign, one that’s not an option here.
4. Aid can be delivered by air on a large-enough scale to, at the very least, force the Burmese government to acknowledge the necessity of outside help and open up its borders to more effective land- and sea-based assistance.

All of this needs to happen quickly, before things hit the post-disaster diseases and get exponentially worse. This is also just the immediate aid: the fact that one of the world’s famous rice-producing regions is now under saltwater is another huge, complicating factor that will only add to the food problems hitting Burma and the world. There are no easy choices, but flyovers, to me, seem like the best option in a worsening crisis. In the meantime, there’s always Catholic Relief Services, Oxfam, Unicef and Doctors Without Borders.

Penguins-Flyers Game 2

Back for the second time this weekend:

• As much as I love seeing a Penguins goal, watching the Flyers get angry and frustrated is even more rewarding.
• I can see now that neither team is going to physically overpower the other on the way to victory, and that the series is really going to turn on turnovers and injuries. (How much does Philly miss Kimmo Timonen right now?) While they have some bruisers, I hadn’t thought of the Penguins as a roster-wide band of tough guys, but they’re all hanging right in there with one of the league’s biggest and toughest rosters.
• I have a new respect for Tyler Kennedy after watching him completely whale on Scott Upshall. It’s rare to see a guy throwing punches that fast in an NHL fight.
• Both Biron and Fleury are playing on some crazy, ethereal-goaltending tip.
• It was a little less ethereal, though, when Biron got away with pulling a goal back out of the net.
• Ian Altenbaugh: I agree.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Penguins-Flyers Game 1

Ron Cook is being a little too optimistic in his Post-Gazette column today, but I agree it was a dominant performance by the Pens last night. I have to give it up to Evgeni Malkin, who not only had two goals (including that blistering slap-shot from about ten feet) but put a big hit on Braydon Coburn and jumped right in when Derian Hatcher tried to get a fight going. The guy is unquestionably the Penguins’ playoff MVP and seems only to be improving. It’s still par for the Flyers course to lose Game 1 in these playoffs, so we’ll see.

An odd moment of the night was when one of the announcers was talking about RJ Umberger growing up in Pittsburgh in the ’80s. “Growing up around here in Pittsburgh, idolizing Mario Lemieux in Lemieux’s greatest days — man, it’s unimaginable what that would be like.” Yes, what Pittsburgh native between the ages of 20 and 35 could ever imagine what it would be like to live in such a fantasy land.

More From Slate: Political Ringtones

I’ll tout another piece of the site on which I recently worked, the new political ringtones we launched this week. We don’t yet have Verizon support–annoying for me since I have Verizon service–but anyone else can download these and annoy your friends with the Hillary laugh:

It’s 3 a.m. What’s Your Ringtone?

Hillary, Penguins, Romantic Comedies, Fruit, Moving

It’s been a while since something substantive. So here you go:

• Hillary’s defeat in Indiana and North Carolina is, as previously mentioned, a Pyrrhic victory for the Obama camp. I can’t predict if she’ll quit early–I personally think she won’t, and will ride it out to the convention’s bitter end–but it almost doesn’t matter. Things that happen early in the campaign are dug up and kept around until the end–anyone remember “I voted for it before I voted against it?”–and Hillary has beaten up enough on Obama already that there’s little left unsaid. I do think McCain’s proxies will bring back the secret-Muslim thing because it’ll play a lot better with Republicans in the sticks than it has so far with Democrats. Despite Hillary’s “He’s not a Muslim, as far as I know,” statement, the Indonesian childhood and Kenya photo really haven’t been hammered too much. The funny thing about that will be that Obama’s taken so much flack for being too close to a Christian pastor, and now he’s about to be hit for not even being Christian. The fun of election season!
• I think Hillary’s surprise effect on Obama was that he came into the race expecting the negative stuff to come out only in the general-election phase, and that he could actually use the negativity against the Republicans. (”Same old G.O.P. character-assassination shit while they let the country die,” etc. etc.) But then when Hillary started throwing kitchen sinks, he couldn’t very well take the line that, “This party is no good for you; look how negative they are.”
• For people who liked my Crosby piece, or people who didn’t, here’s what I think about the series:
  1. I like the offense’s chances against Biron. Biron has faced significantly more shots–an average of 32.91 shots per game in the playoffs, vs. Fleury’s 28.44 average–but he hasn’t played against a team with as much line depth as the Pens. Washington and Montreal both have great players, but not as much consistency across multiple lines. Eventually a goalie is going to get weary of being sprayed with pucks, and after two rounds that might be now.
  2. Kris Letang, Georges Laraque and Brooks Orpik are going to be the big factor in beating up (perhaps literally) Derian Hatcher and protecting Crosby and Malkin. I think the Flyers might have things in toughness, though definitely not in talent. (Though I would take Briere on Pittsburgh anyday.) Big Georges (that’s singular), you are the man, but please tell your web guy that your site needs an update reflecting the six years since the 2001-02 season.
  3. I thought about buying tickets to a game in Philly, being that it’s so close, but then I do value my life. Seriously, Philadelphians: I have never not picked up an incredibly angry vibe while traveling through your town. You don’t have to be stuck on how you became a has-been town once the 1770s ended. People call Pittsburgh a has-been town all the time, but you don’t see us throwing batteries and snowballs. (Except at Dave Parker.) For real: it’s time to find a new, friendlier identity.

• Today the Mrs. went to see Made of Honor, starring Lucius Vorenus and Dr. Octagon of “Grey’s Anatomy”. Fortunately I had to work, so I was spared the trip. I was later informed that the movie was a great example of what I hate most about romantic comedies: the innocent victim.

  The innocent victim is exactly what he (usually a he) sounds like: somebody who does absolutely nothing wrong, but gets dumped (often at the altar!) simply because he’s not the star. Lucius Vorenus’ character was apparently smart, handsome, successful, athletic and considerate, yet he still got dumped right in the middle of his vows so some reluctant lurker could come along and steal the show. Then the movie ends, and we’re supposed to be happy that some homewrecker ran roughshod over the type of dependable dude who keeps this great nation running. (This MSNBC article does a good job of illustrating this.) “But he just wasn’t right for her,” the ladies are saying. So? How do you know he realized that? Even Patrick Dempsey himself played this role, in Sweet Home Alabama (ugh). Other famous examples are Bill Paxton in Sleepless in Seattle and that other “Grey’s Anatomy” dude playing a weird Italian guy in The Wedding Planner (a really, really, really awful movie). Life is unfair, but these movies want us to cheer when this is demonstrated to us yet again. F that.

• And to any dudes who won’t accompany the ladies to these movies because it’s “gay”: have fun dying alone.
• Fruits, in descending order of great-tastingness:
  1. Watermelon
  2. Cherry
  3. Blueberry
  4. Grape
  5. Apple
  6. Pear
  7. Orange
• Finally, I’ve buried the lede here, but we’re moving to Chicago in two weeks. I’ll be there this summer before Michigan, then plan to find a job there again in 2010 after graduation. I forgot to inform the readership that I will once again be based in the land of Vienna Beef and US Cellular Field. Word to Sean Connery in The Untouchables.

Hockey Piece on Slate

My piece on Sidney Crosby and hockey’s TV fix just posted today to Slate. Go check it out if you’re into the NHL, and even if you’re not, there’s stuff in there for you too.

87 Is the Loneliest Number

Pittsburgh: Air Pollution Without the Benefits?

I just saw this today:

Pittsburgh beats Los Angeles as sootiest city

A professor in the article points out that it’s Ohio’s fault, as power-plant emissions drift across the state line. How did this happen when we don’t even have the factories anymore? If Pittsburgh kids have to have asthma, at least we could get some jobs for the trouble.