Posts Tagged Under ‘Environment’

Pittsburgh: Air Pollution Without the Benefits?

I just saw this today:

Pittsburgh beats Los Angeles as sootiest city

A professor in the article points out that it’s Ohio’s fault, as power-plant emissions drift across the state line. How did this happen when we don’t even have the factories anymore? If Pittsburgh kids have to have asthma, at least we could get some jobs for the trouble.

Why Move?

I just got done reading this NY Times article about city people and the new fear they feel by moving to woodside country houses. If you could convert middle America’s stereotype of the “liberal elite” into a solid, liquify that solid, put it in a bottle, dip your quill into it and write out an 800-word piece in your new effete-ink, you still wouldn’t come close to the level of prissiness demonstrated by the subjects of this article. A brief summary:

Unsympathetic subjects. The people profiled in this article spent many dollars on a second home in the woods, then spent the entire article complaining about the scariness of their very expensive purchase. We’re not starting out on a “Man, those poor sympathetic people” note.

Unjustified fear. There are very scary things in this world, and there are very brave people facing them on a daily basis. Then there are rich authors who are scared by the sound of creaking floorboards. (For which, again, they paid six and potentially seven figure prices.)

Kind of tongue-in-cheek tone, but not enough. I get the sense the author sees these people in a light that’s just as goofy as I see, but the piece is edited such that that doesn’t come across strongly enough.

Weird decisions. Hunting and guns in the woods = not at all like having guns in the city. If you want to live near the thick woods, why not take advantage of the excellent hunting opportunities? Or at least learn what kind of animals live in the area instead of buying night-vision goggles.

Regardless, calm down! The woods are cool and not always packed with serial murderers.

Chipmunk: Underappreciated. Squirrel: Overexposed.

Squirrels run all over the place down here in DC. Meanwhile, chipmunks only live near wooded areas, knowing better than to overdo it in this media-heavy city.

SQUIRRELS AREN’T COOL

1. Squirrels are basically just bushy-tailed rats. Where do you see them in urban areas? Nine times out of ten, they’re playing in the garbage can, or once that’s over, eating said garbage.
2. Meanwhile, they do that annoying thing with their paws while they eat. It’s the same thing that flies do. Does anybody hold up the fly as an icon of cuteness? Hell no.
3. Squirrels don’t have good cartoon characters. Rocky from The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show? Dude wasn’t even your average squirrel; he was one of those crazy flying squirrels. Did you know flying squirrels are native to both the Pacific Northwest and Siberia? Being that one is a bastion of liberal agitators and the other is the home of the gulag, Rocky might well have been an agent for Boris Badenov.
4. A squirrel once got into my fraternity’s kitchen and ate up the food. A chipmunk has yet to even tap on the window.

CHIPMUNKS ARE BETTER

1. They’re smaller, and therefore more fuel-efficient.
2. Their kids leave the nest after just eight weeks, rather than spending 12 years in their parents’ basement with nothing but a $120,000 B.A. in Theater for Social Change like these slacker kids today.
3. I think Dale alone could beat up Rocky, but with Chip in tow, they would have brought down the USSR single-handedly, were they living in the same cartoon universe.
4. Chip ‘n Dale are possessed of both black and red noses. In roulette, they just can’t lose.

Out.

Animal Royal Rumble

Be sure you watch the whole thing. Buffalo = awesome.