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Ignore my previous dour economic analysis. I just got this in the mail:

Dear Taxpayer,

We are pleased to inform you that the United States Congress passed and President George W. Bush signed into law the Economic Stimulus Act of 2008, which provides for economic stimulus payments to be made to over 130 million American households. Under this law, you may be entitled to a payment of up to $600 ($1,200 if filing a joint return), plus additional amounts for each qualifying child.

Our national woes are over, thanks to this $600. ($1,200 if filing a joint return — that’s me now! Even better!)

Our $1,200 will go right into my Citibank money-market account, so at least I’m doing my part to prop up the personal-banking arm of one of America’s crucial investment banks. Holla!