Patrick Stack vs. Google Image Search

Today I’ve been doing lots of Google image searching for work, so I was curious what would happen if I started in on myself. Predictive search has lots of fun effects:

It’s Patrick Kane! Blackhawks star forward, Flyer-destroying scorer of the Cup-winning goal in last year’s finals, and town-rocker extraordinaire. I don’t know if I want people to associate me with a guy who punched a cabbie over 20 cents, but at least he scores a lot no matter the context.

Patrick Sharp: something tells me location data is coming into play, considering Google tells me that the top two Patricks in all of world history are the skankiest current Blackhawk and the suavest current Blackhawk. Sharp’s an OK association; he has hockey skills, and he did make the cover of Chicago magazine last month. I still think Stan Mikita and his doughnuts have Sharp beat in sexiness, but the overwhelmingly female listeners of Eric and Kathy would probably beg to differ.

Definitely don’t know this guy, but that is most certainly a thin smirking dude wearing a sideways trucker hat who apparently became a fatter, glasses-wearing guy with a hipster fedora. I don’t care for hats in the first place, but then this fucker had to go and wear perhaps my two least-favorite hat styles of all time in the same image sequence. I don’t care to know what you think about music, Patrick Stump.

Patrick the Starfish? I’m a marine biologist in my alternate-career universe, so I suppose it’s all good.

JACKPOT. Stackpoole and the guy from Rambo: First Blood ain’t nothin’.